So in an attempt to Do Something, I’m here, writing. I picked up the guitar…. but it didn’t sound good, I got kind of irritated, and my fingers are bloody hurting. I mean, I did give it a few songs, which is why my fingers hurt.
I’m always looking to step out of my comfort zone with my creativity. (of course, I’m comfortable doing it in this controlled environment, where no one knows I post.) So for today, I think I want to attempt to write. Even if it’s just a small short story. Just write something.. anything!
Ok. Easier said than done.
The challenge: If you could write a letter and send it to yourself when you were younger, what would you say?
Dear 15 year old Jess:
Hi. You don’t know me yet. But I know you. I know you so well. I know what your thoughts are consumed by, what makes your stomach do flip flops, what sends your heart racing in panic. I know the condition of your heart. These last two years have been the absolute hardest. Living without your brother, adjusting to life with your mom. It hasn’t been easy, right? Maybe I can help with a few things… Please, just trust me. Listen to my words… Keep this in that box of letters you keep and pull out every once in awhile 🙂
– Give your mom a little patience. I know it’s had to understand right now. You feel like she doesn’t love you like she loved him. But I promise you, she does. She loves you more than you will ever know. Believe it or not, you two will become so close. You’ll come to see all of the similarities you share. The great personality traits your inherited from her. A lot of the stubbornness. You’ll go shopping together, you’ll laugh with each other, you’ll cry on her shoulder, and you’ll even find yourself giving her advice about things. Don’t worry. It will come in time. Just be patient with her.
-Living without your brother… it will get easier. But it will also get harder. You’ll find yourself forgetting him. And on those nights, it will hurt like it just happened. Believe it or not, God will give you dreams about him. He’ll remind you of him. He’ll allow you to see his face and hear his laugh… Your brother will always be apart of you. You’ll learn to find him in the little things. You’ll think about what he would have thought of your life. You’ll hurt when your friends brother gets married and you watch the enjoyment of her welcoming a sister-in-law, it will hurt even more when she welcomes a niece into her life. Trust that God is going to give you all that you need and want. He’s going to allow you to become great friends with people who have children, who become your adopted nieces and nephews. God know what you need and what your heart desires. Trust Him. Trust Him.
– Boys. Oh boy. I don’t want to tell you too much. The things you will learn when it comes to boys. Unfortunately, girl. You like to learn the hard way. You like to figure things out on your own. Here’s the thing. I know life seems like its all or nothing right now. I know you think that what’s in front of you know is…everything. But your life… is long. There will be so many things, so many opportunities. My best advice is to not settle. You have dreams. Follow them. You have ideas, write them out. Don’t let anyone tell you that your thoughts don’t matter. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re worth is small. Be strong. Speak your mind. Speak up when someone is treating you wrongly. Create great friendships and trust in those people. You’ll find your family in them. The boys will come. You’ll learn from your relationships. They will make you laugh, they’ll make your heart flutter, they’ll make you cry. But with each one, you will learn. And you will grow. Don’t take them for granted and don’t write them off.
There are so many things that I want to tell you. So many stories that I could share. Just. Live. Live your life. Do what makes you happy. Don’t be afraid of what makes you happy. Chase your dreams. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let anyone hold you back. Make spontaneous decisions. Travel a lot! Stop and just be. Take moments to enjoy what is around you. Be yourself. Don’t be afraid of being different. Sing lots. Dance more. Smile often. Be silly.
I’m talking to myself here. I am you. You are me. We are Jessica. Be proud of who we become. Because we’re pretty dang awesome.
Love, Me.
jessicaleesa 